Do you remember back in middle school when you first started "liking" boys? When you would get so nervous when they were around and almost terrified that they would actually hold your hand or god forbid put their arm around you? There were those times you would sneak off or find something random to say to your Besty just to draw the attention away from the situation at hand.
It. Was. Great.
I mean hell. The term was "going out" but you didn't actually "go" anywhere. Then there was the length. A boyfriend typically lasted, what, two months tops? But you LIVED for seeing them the next day and talked to them all night on the phone.
Flash forward to your early thirties and you're sitting on the couch, just staring at your spouse like "Why is he still here?", as if he didn't actually live there and wasn't really part of your life. There's no real butterflies and there's no fear, it's more like scooting over and steeling covers like your life depended on it.
The couple skate is over.
Atleast, that is how a friend of mine recently explained her decision of divorce to me over what I thought was a simple latte trip.
I processed everything she said and didn't want to sway her decision. I know it happens. I know not everyone is meant to be. And I know my faith doesn't come in to play the same as everyone else.
So I listened. I was quiet. I let her get everything out and then she asked me how my marriage was and I paused. Sipped a shit ton of my latte. And then I preceded to blurt out...
.....that I have had the same experiences with forgetting he's my roommate, stealing the covers and getting severely annoyed with how freakishly loud his inside voice is. We argue. I've gotten loud. I get frustrated. I have envy. I compare us to others. And she asked me if I had ever thought about divorce. And I paused again.
I told her I wouldn't have it any other way. Even with everything above, we laugh. There are nights we go to sleep and it's like I'm at camp and dying laughing. He makes me be a better person. He challenges me to be stronger. He lets me shave his beard into a sweet mustache. I know above anything else that he would be there for me whenever I needed him. I let her know that the couple skate called Marriage can still sound like a Boys to Men song, or feel like a middle school boyfriend, you just have to accept that you have all those others things too. And the fact that if my husband ever cheated on me, he'd be dead within 24 hours and thus a divorce wouldn't be necessary.
Nothing is ever perfect and murder is easy.
C. & G.